We can all move between these three roles in our different interactions.
As a Coach, I have to be particularly aware of falling into the ‘Rescuer’ role. Where am I trying to ‘fix’ a client rather than helping them work out what they want and need?
If you’re a person who likes to help people, you may also easily end up in the Rescuer role. It’s worth always checking: have they asked for help, or am I just assuming they need help?
Sometimes we might try and rescue someone then find ourselves feeling resentful because they are not appreciating us enough.
In that case, we may be putting them in the ‘Persecutor’ role and putting ourselves in ‘Victim’.
I’d encourage you to review your relationships and see if you can spot which may be your favourite role, and which the people around you are good at inhabiting…..while remaining aware that we probably all do all of them some of the time.
What we are looking to do, if we want healthy relationships, is to move more towards the Winner’s Triangle (Acey Choy)
In the Winner’s Triangle, the Victim role becomes:
Vulnerable/Creator – These people accept their vulnerability but also understand that they have the abilities to meet their needs and find their way. They ask for help and accept when offered to empower themselves. The most important skill they possess is problem-solving.
The Persecutor role becomes:
Assertive/Challenger – In this role, people use their time and energy in resolving issues rather than blaming others. They are good problem solvers and always find ways to meet their needs without shaming others.
The Rescuer Role becomes:
Caring/Coach – Rather than imposing the solutions, they show compassion by asking how to help. This empowers the vulnerable to decide what they want and the caring role can learn to listen and allow others to find their way.
I hope you find this useful for you in reviewing your relationships, and how you operate within them